For this simple blog, I will offer a picture that illustrates a critical insight in dealing with your Rising Star and a key truth with which we need to be aware. As I start, let me bring a truthful and applicable insight from Dr. Kevin Leman who is a New York Times Best Selling Author, who is highly knowledgeable about this aspect and this intro involves a simple insight from NASA’s history in his book entitled The Birth Order Book.
Let me introduce this key insight with a simple illustration from his quote from NASA’s history:
“Of the first 23 NASA astronauts that went into space,
21 were First Born and
the other 2 were Only Born (no brothers or sisters)!”
As parents or as mentors who work with youth, we need to see this and realize how we need to interact perhaps a bit differently because the Rising Stars are different.
Dr. Leman pointed out how many dysfunctional parents go to the oldest and tell them something like “You are the oldest, so you need to keep them straight or such”. This is not good because it can shut the others down, so they do not believe, and it squashes their efforts.
It can also point out the key aspect that each of your Rising Stars are different and are you truly interacting in a way that lets them grow, develop, and achieve.
Let me offer a couple of questions for the reader to consider.
1. In what ways are you just trying to control your kids rather than really helping them to develop and become? Realize that sometimes you miss the boat when it is time to go to bed and you just say, “All of you go to bed”.
2. As you interact with the 2nd, 3rd or 4th born…….to what extent are you truly and negatively communicating that “They should just be like the older brother or sister”?
3. To what extent do they think you are shutting them down because they think from their experience with you that they are not of value and that the first born is “in control”?
4. To what extent is your Nonverbal communication communicating different than your words and perhaps in a way you would not want to admit?
This can also be applied when perhaps in today’s world a family with kids unites with another family with kids when the parents remarry. How are you truly going to connect with the different kids?
Let me say that if a parent or mentor truly learns a coaching/facilitative style of working with your Rising Stars, this can truly help because it helps you truly connect with all the kids. I have seen how successful this is with working with my nonbiological grandkids and such for the last 12 years.
As you apply this, notice you will be able to connect each of them with their dream and such and I have found this totally true with my great grandkids as they not only believe in their dreams and vision but they
Truly Experience that They Are Truly Highly Valued by you!
They tend to believe in you and your belief in them; and they desire to connect with you as they develop and become…and move towards their dreams. Do this for all of them including not just the first born but the 2nd, 3rd or 4th born siblings of more perhaps. Make it so that one day you see what they accomplished, and you will sense:
…OH WOW!
Randy Swaim, Coaching for Relevance, LLC